Good Co-Parenting Does Not Mean Liking Each Other

Good Co-Parenting Does Not Mean Always Liking Your Ex

I think there’s this misconception that two people who co-parent well together actually always like each other, always get along, and don’t have any negative feelings toward each other.

I am here to tell you that is 100% WRONG! I think the belief that those have to be true in order to have a good co-parenting relationship is causing a bit of a roadblock in our co-parenting efforts and halting our success.

Listen, if I liked my ex all the time, always got along with him, and didn’t ever think anything negative about him, I’D STILL BE MARRIED TO HIM!! And that goes exactly the same for him. I am fairly certain, especially early on in our divorce (and probably lots of times still), he couldn’t stand me.

But we made a conscious decision back then…and moving forward…to put that shit aside when it came to our kids and work together whether we liked each other or not.

I talk a lot more about this in my co-parenting eBook.

**Sometimes you just want to strangle your ex and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good job at co-parenting**

When we first started the co-parenting journey, we talked every day. Our kids would call the parent they weren’t with at the time every night and, after they chatted, we would get on the phone and discuss what went on that day, what was coming up, things that needed addressed, etc. This ensured that we were always on the same page and that our kids knew at an early age that even though mom and dad weren’t together anymore, we were a united front, and they wouldn’t get anything past us or be able to play different sides.

We continue to do this still, whether it be a phone convo, texts, or chats in person at kids’ baseball games or when dropping off and picking up. And ya know what? Sometimes it’s effortless and we can chat like we’re friends. And sometimes we are super annoyed with each other and don’t care to talk beyond what’s necessary.

BUT WE DO IT NO MATTER WHAT.

And what we created is this fantastic co-parenting relationship that has nothing to do with personal feelings, emotions or anything that’s about us. It’s literally just about the kids.

We don’t hate each other, and I will say that we have a better relationship than most exes, that’s for sure. So, it’s definitely a lot easier for us than it is or will be for others. Just know there were plenty of times it wasn’t easy, and we did have a lot of ill feelings towards each other. But we pushed through that, learned to deal with those feelings on our own, separate from our kids and our co-parenting efforts, and we learned to KILL this damn thing!

And everyone is better off for it.

It’s OKAY to not always like your ex…or to never like your ex! Try, I’m asking you to just try, to put those feelings aside and put your kids first. Take everything else out of the equation and make your relationship with your ex solely about the kids and eventually you’ll be able to communicate without entangling your own emotions.

You’ll learn to respect each other as parents of your children, even if you didn’t respect each other as partners/spouses.

You’ll stop looking at your ex as a source of trauma, hate, anger, resentment, whatever, and see him/her as the person you have children with…. the only other person in the world who loves your kids as much as you do….the person whom your kids love as much as they love you.

What will come of it is this new, unbreakable, unshakeable, united bond that you maybe never even had when you two were together. It puts your kids first. That’s it. And you will ALL be better off when you get there.

Just trust the process, even when it’s hard.